One of the most complicated individuals I know told me that. It’s also a tattoo that person wears. The simple thought “if it were meant to be then it would” crossed my mind a few moments ago. And when I was thinking how “simple” that is, I remembered the “Simple is Beautiful” tattoo. I have a desire so deep for something simple. Faith, hope, love… A million people have those “simple” words all over their homes. I am not one of them. For I find them to be the hardest and most complex experiences of this life.

Do I over analyze and make things harder than they have to be? Yes. Catastrophism, cognitive distortion, and my very favorite depression are things that have come up in my therapy. You can change negative thinking but depression is a whole other beast. And look what I did just now? I made it a beast instead of a cockroach in my mind. What if I merely thought, “well it’s an obstacle but its nothing I can’t get through and go on with joy”? But I don’t. I wonder if its a huge gash on my soul or if I just see it worse than it really is? It needs tending to, but maybe a little TLC instead of surgery ya know? No, you probably don’t know. I got way off track.

I will say something that has weighed heavy on me and that is when my depression creeps in and starts getting the best of me, it is at that time I truly want a knight in shining armor to come save me. Make me a damn Disney movie and stereotype me and strip my independence down. I know it’s pathetic and believe me since I have realized it I am ashamed. Would I want my daughter and my niece to live that way if they were in this position? Maybe. Maybe I would. Maybe I would indeed want them to find a mate to go through the ups and downs with. For sure, yes. Playing the damsel in distress is just ehhhh and lame. But, at times, that really is what goes on. I want a prince. Problem is that I’m at my worst right now and it’s hard to impress a guy worth having when you aren’t at your best! My eharmony profile catch line is not gonna be “desperate and needy”!! Lol.

I know this too shall pass. It could be in as little as an hour or a day. And I firmly believe in some simple truths. They hurt at times and I fight it like crazy but bottom line is that if a prince was meant to be here to help me through it then he would be. God has me in this spot, in the pain, and alone for his reasons. Those simple concepts are the most beautiful thing on the planet. It doesn’t feel simple because I want to alter it but if I take a step back and look at the whole picture, it’s easier to see. And whatever happens it is guaranteed to be beautiful. Everything around us and all our painful lessons can be beautiful. Simple is so beautiful to me because it is fleeting. Because so little is ever simple.

Forgive yourself for every failure. Cause you tried to do the right thing. God knows that and you know it. Nobody else may know it. Maya Angelou