People change. We can change our minds, start over, or leave things behind. Lately, I wouldn’t say I have changed but I will say I’m more of me. Parts I’ve hated for a long time, I’m accepting. And yes, that means things are different.

Lets start with some items I personally get a real kick out of: country music and guns. I’ve began listening to country music again. Not that it ever got as far away as you might think. I’ve taken to writing while watching CMT & GAC (those are the MTV & VH1 of country FYI). I have downloaded way more country music than I can afford too! This brings a smile to my face.

I give off such a rocker image. Lord knows you can’t deny that. I remember at USM a girl my first semester was my Study Buddy and she was trying to put me in a clique in her mind and she said “oh you’re a rocker?” First off, I guess so because that was one I never heard of. Makes sense I wouldn’t know what the shit kickers or preps were calling me LOL! And yes, I suppose I am a rocker. But country was just part of my roots and maybe I denied it. I remember tractor pulls & rodeos. My dad plays steel guitar. My grandmother lived on a big ranch outside San Marcus for a while. I rode my first horse there. Country was always on our radios. Especially Mom. Dad did his duty by giving me my rock and roll fix.

And while I have been on this CMT kick, I discovered this show called Guntucky. It cracks me up and I learn about weapons. My parents owned Red River Gun & Ammo during my jr high days. My dad was a reserve officer for SPD for years and years. My boyfriends were known to go shoot with my family while I would sleep or read in the truck. Yes, it was always a truck I think. So again, this isn’t really a new thing. Like the music, these are things from my past that I rekindled.

And speaking of the past, remember skinny me? Well, she’s back. I’m a size 4 again. I am a little vain these days but I cannot tell you one time in my life I felt really good about my body image. To finally feel good enough to myself is the best feeling in the world. Wait, second best 😉 I have to be careful not to let it go to my head but I must say that doing something for me and seeing results is a damn good thing. I came to realize that I was indeed an emotional eater. I still pig out sometimes (I’ve had like 3000 calories today!!!) but it’s pretty easy to spot when I’m trying to fill a void or distract my brain with food instead of feeling some emotion. It’s a huge deal for someone who has hated mirrors her whole life.

I think I’m starting to be comfortable with all of me. And I’m a lot of contradictions at times. Accepting that–no, ENJOYING that–is a great thing. I’d love to say I’m at a peaceful place but I’m not. I over think and worry too much for that. I am however at a much more peaceful spot than I have been in a long time. That’s good enough for me. Maybe though that’s what peace is: taking what you have and loving it while seeking more. Whatever it is, it’s working for now.