I’ve been known to put up some mad walls to people.  I have a sad pattern of not handling some situations to the best of my ability.  I’m proactive in trying to do better.  The Good Lord tested me again.  I feel like I’ve failed.  I don’t know what it is I fail at: seeing someone else’s perspective, my own faults, my reactions, inability to say the right thing at the right time, or that when I’m hurt I have a very bad series of reactions.  I wish I knew how to handle pain better.  Not physical pain, I can handle that.  Well, not really, I’m still a big baby.  But emotionally I just sink down and then my claws come out.  I can’t handle emotional pain.  The thought struck me just now that I just have to calm down and let it hurt.  I can crash and claw at everything and in the end, it will still hurt.  So I can just sit down and cry and feel it for once instead of avoiding it.  In other words, I’m going to confront some fears.  Be vulnerable to it.  Trust someone.  Trust the process.  I didn’t see this sword coming at me but facts are that it struck.  Walking around crazy ain’t gonna help.  Saying nothing hit me and continue into battle is ridiculous.  Pull it out, lay it down, and tend to the wound.  That’s what it is!  I don’t tend to the wounds well at all.  I let them get infected and angry there is a scar.  Ugh.  Whatever.  I’m not sure I make sense.