The last thing I said to God was a silent scream a couple weeks ago and “why must you take everything away?!” followed by tears for Sadie, my yellow lab taken between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I haven’t spoken to the Universe since. 

Just a few years ago, I constantly listened to what would be considered new age audiobooks and read a gamut of works ranging from Christian to not. I was a true believer in the Universe and had a close relationship with it. Previous blogs attest to that. Sadie’s death was the last straw between us. 

I completely understand now how people become hardened and mean and pick up habits they can’t let go. The last three years have taken all I ever had and plucked it away, one thing at a time. What wasn’t taken away was indefinitely altered. And what wasn’t altered was left badly in need of repair and TLC. Two dogs passing, cancer scare with a new cyst to worry about now, a global love story that ended badly, my parents health decline and being 500 miles away, job loss, job changes, salary cuts, horrible relationships here and there after love died, packing up and moving then not, a house that needs things done to it and I can’t do it….. everything snowballed. 

So when I read about horrible things people did in the news, I always wonder what it is we don’t know about them and never will that turned them that way. I won’t ever go on a shooting spree or harm anyone in anyway, but I certainly see how life abandons us and takes good people who love and care and hurts them. And how it’s really, really, really hard to get through it after the last straw goes. If I didn’t have Wilbur, my new/old job, friends, and alcohol…I would be a different person right now. But those things made me laugh and remind me to love, forgive, and not give up hope…yet.