Over the course of several years, I have blatantly slandered Insomnia on social media, to groups of people and blamed it for a lot of my problems. But over the last month, I have found insomnia is actually quite blissful. Not only that, but I have found the cure. 

While I would rather be dreaming about well-dressed, dashing men riding up on unicorns (a Bachlorette reference for those with real lives and not secretly in love with the show…that’s a whole other blog), I am not. For whatever reason–and it varies from night to night–I am awake at 2 or 3 am. I used to be miserable waking up and abandoning dreamland. But lately, I realize this is the most perfect time of day. 

Why? Because in the middle of the night, NO ONE BOTHERS ME. Whether my own resentments or legitimate complaint, personalities do not exist this time of day. I have absolutely zero expectations right now. The only expectation is self-inflicted and that’s sleep. If I forgo telling myself I should be sleeping, all is well in the universe. No one is going to text me right now asking or needing something from me. And if they do, they do not expect a response. The dogs are asleep and are quite frankly annoyed I even move about this time of day. I don’t check my work email so I don’t have any bitching to listen to nor any new issue to address. There’s no deadline, nothing is on the front or back burner at 2am. I’m not letting anyone down. It’s completely quiet. 

It’s one of the few hours out of every 24 that I am conscious and all is well in my little world. I soak it up. I’ve learned that approximately 18 of every 24 hours I’ll find I cannot please everyone, I struggle to balance work and home duties, inevitably some coworkers will feel they didn’t get enough notice (even if it’s six months notice), I’ll make an error somewhere (Lord, let it not be an “error a minute” day, amen), or at minimum the bank balance (or lack thereof) will cause some anxiety. But right now, absolutely none of that comes into play. 

I couldn’t be forced to care about the daily frustration of PR and personality management, I could care less about the bank balance, I have complete silence and space without any interruption. Ahhhh, bliss. As if that wasn’t peaceful enough, the fur babies are the most precious sleeping and cuddly bugs EVER at 2am. So I have decided to start making the most of it. I’ll brew coffee and write some, maybe read a little, sit outside and enjoy the stars and the cool temps. 

Amazingly, as soon as I get up and do that–when my body feels like I might be getting ready to start the day where all the bullshit listed above will become reality–I start shutting back down. There’s a revolt of the nervous system and I can usually come back to bed and fall asleep. In about three hours the personalities, the emails, the bills, the dirt and dust needing cleaned up, the myriad of projects unfinished or not yet started, and errands that I need to run will all hit like a ton of bricks and I won’t want to face it. But right now, in the silent, dark, quiet moments of the day everything is beautiful.