Yesterday, I cried. I posted about my greatest fear. That’s significant, but it’s only part of what’s going on with me right now. I’m using that material and pain as the catalyst to write a book. Now, as much as I’d love to say I sit down everyday and bust out a chapter, the reality is that I’m walking through a transition in life and the pieces are still being revealed. A paragraph or two may develop each day. The sequence of how it ultimately ends up in the final presentation are a mystery to me. 

I’m going with the flow. I spend everyday at work going 90 mph with no peace and no organization. It’s good to come home to the opposite but it also helps me learn to just go with whatever comes out in my writing. Sometimes it’s messy and pointless (maybe), other days it is poignant. I’m giving myself a break on this and just doing what delights my soul in the moment. Whatever brings relief.

Today, I realized my greatest fear is all in my head. The thing that brought me to tears last night, is a work of fiction. It’s not anything tangible. Could it happen? Sure. In this world where strange, mind-blowing events transpire daily, it is possible that I could run into the person who broke my heart. But to remain broken is my choice. Part of the reason I am writing is to heal old wounds. And today I realize it isn’t that person, it’s what he symbolizes. Life changed in all areas for me, starting with a broken heart. In fact, there are few things that remain the same since then: my address, my closest friends…that’s about it off the top of my head. 

Though I wept yesterday wondering if it would ever happen, truth is, I wonder if I will ever love someone again. Was he the last great romance of my life? But even that bit of what seemed magical and divine came crashing down. So it wasn’t all that my heart and mind thought it was anyway. It’s just a piece of my story. One that’s being told piece by piece and surely the future holds something better…. 

My co-author.