In need of inspiration, I looked back on my phone for some pictures I had saved of uplifting quotes. I found some. And then, there was a picture he had sent from Afghanistan November 2013. It’s creeping up on two years since I received that picture. And yet, before I could stop it, tears filled my eyes and a pain hit me like it was yesterday. I thought I had deleted them. There’s only a couple of pictures of us even together. From Italy… 

Oh, how the heart doesn’t forget. The mind slips, but the heart doesn’t forget. That’s why I have to bow out of the search for love. If it comes looking for me, tell it I moved. Tell love I haven’t been seen in quite some time. And if I see Cupid, I’ll use some self defense moves and have his own arrow to his little cherub neck before he knows what hit him. 

I thought I saw Cupid coming a couple weeks ago. Turns out I was wrong. Trusted this guy. He is smart and cute. I was very excited and very hopeful. All the more reason to tidy up this broken heart, board it up, and hang a no trespassing sign. Visitors not welcome. I’m not even sure who broke it this bad and when. I just know I can’t relive the pain of something failing one more time. I’m too old. No more Italy. I barely survived. 

I have a great life. If I can numb this little pain inside one last time and never let anyone in again, I’ll be the happiest person on earth.  

I wish I had been born a pretty little fool. A woman who needed a man. I could and likely would have found one. I was not fortunate enough. Instead, I was always strong-willed and in charge of creating my own happiness. A woman who wants a man and doesn’t need one is quite lonely.