I have been asked at least three times this week why I am single. I don’t know what I’m expected to say about that: “I make bad decisions”? “Boys are mean”?  “Every time I take someone at their word when it comes to romance, I get a little bit burned”? What’s the right answer to that question?! I’m a smart gal, were there a simple and pinpoint response I think I’d figure it out.  But it is not simple; it’s rather complex. And after struggling for a the majority of my life with it, I give up. Going forward the answer is: because I choose to be. 

I’m starting a new meditation practice. I close my eyes and envision a table. I start putting words and images on the table. I fill this table with romantic love, people I am attracted to, people who have crushed me, children, wedding dresses, etc. ANY love-related image I hold inside goes on the table. Then, I blow the table up. In any variety of ways, I make sure everything there is nothing but dust when I am through with it. Now, in this meditation, the table survives (miracles happen in my meditation). But the table is now empty. And I decorate it. I put expensive table settings in place and a beautiful centerpiece. Then, I think of the things which are non-relationship oriented that make me happy and I begin putting those words and images on my table. What makes the cut? Let’s see, family, friends, Sadie, popcorn, books, music, television, writing, etc. Pretty soon my table is full and that is what I will spend my life focusing on. 

Some may ask, “why?” Because I’m just over the bullshit and bullshitters, that’s why. Because I don’t trust anyone anyway. And frankly, because it’s like the country song said, it isn’t so much I’m giving up on love as it is love has given up on me. So this is my last blog about anything related to romance. It’s off the table. Gone. Not an option. All it has ever done is make me miserable. And I have so very much to be grateful for with that gone!! Think about it, no one can have everything. I have a life filled with blessings and if romance and love are no longer on the table as something to have, then I have everything I’d ever want or need!!! So why leave it on the table? 

I’m glad some of you have true love and I realize I sound a bit jaded. But hey, this is just how it’s going to be.  A person cannot have everything and love is just what I don’t get. It’s cool. Please don’t set me up with “this really great guy” you know, please don’t ask me out, please don’t expect me to change my mind, and, most of all, if you know Marshall Mathers remember that this does NOT (repeat, NOT) apply to him. He’s my exception. A divorced Robert Downey Jr is also exception #1a. 

Maybe in a year or few I will change my mind. But, for now, I think this is really for the best.