Sadie & I have been drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes (well, me, not her…& yes, I’m careful to limit her second-hand smoke exposure. Ok screw the political correctness.  We’re sitting on the back porch/rolling in the dew covered grass not giving a crap!) for an hour and a half and scrolling Facebook having our morning discussion re: humanity.  The following is a transcript of our discussion.

Me: “People are still blowing my mind.”  Drink, puff.

Sadie: “Yeah?”

A: “Yep.  Apparently everybody’s on board for gay marriage and changing their damn pictures to rainbows even FURTHER blurring the lines between who was a dating prospect and who wasn’t.” Drink.  Puff.  Drink.

S: “Never quite got your gaydar working right did you, Ma?” Roll.

A: (stink eye) “Well….no.” Puff.  Puff. Drink.

S: “Interesting.  And so, you thought the guys who might ask you out weren’t because they looked too good in skinny pants?”

A: “Sadie, seriously, stop eating the grass.  I have errands to run and can’t let you poop for a few hours.”  Drink.

S:  “Wipe my back hair.”

A:  (wiping back hair as instructed) “See?  THIS is love.  Love is simple.  People complicate a very simple thing.”  Drink.

S:  “What you talking about Willis?”  One more roll in the wet grass.

A:  “You & me.  That’s love.  Me & The Girls.  That’s love.  That bird looking at us, love.  The grass you roll in, love.  The ability to be able to move all my limbs and scoop poop, love.  Brushing your hair, love.  Sniffing my fart, love.  Coffee, duh, obviously the divine loves us to give us that! But people come along with their rituals and religion and suddenly love is a to-do list and must meet certain guidelines.  It isn’t just something they accept as a gift anymore.”

S:  “So the sexy guy in the navy suit, you think he’s going to ask you out?  I think he’s younger than you FYI.  I thought you weren’t doing that anymore.”

A:  “You just complicated love, Sadie.”  Puff.

S:  “Ohhh, yeah, ok I see.”

A:  “No, I totally think he’s gay.  And if anyone has any sense they will snap a ring on it ASAP.  Even here in the deepest most southern place you can go.” Lots of drink and puff.

S:  “Woman, shut up and go get dog food.  I’ll try not to shit in the house.  Deal?”

A:  “Deal.  I love you.” Drink.

S:  “I love you…DUH.”