I always had this vision that people who were unemployed or worked from home should have the cleanest houses.  Today, I proved that stereotype wrong.  So wrong.  This is two-fold.  One, I was busy with a resume (and Trivia Crack) and at one point, during a strong thunderstorm, cuddling a very shaky and scared 65 lb lab.  I also ventured out of the house.  I had two meetings, one of which got canceled and the other…it was longer than I’d thought.  And another fact, when you’re unemployed and need work it’s hard to focus on anything BUT that.  It’s pretty nerve wracking.  You feel like you should be doing SOMEthing–however small–to take a step towards employment.

Like I said, I put the “finishing” touches on the resume.  It’s never finished; I will over-analyze and redesign it until I get hired.  And after that, it may be such an ingrained habit that I do it just in case.  And I had to let a couple people review it for me.  And of course, I’ve missed chatting with my friends so I did that.  I also signed up to be an extra on some tv and movies being filmed in the area.  I just threw up a couple of photos and completed the profile.  Nothing fancy at all.  Either they call or they don’t.  But again, there’s a need to do something every day.

Unemployment is stressful.  It’s a battle to keep the anxiety under control.  It’s a faith tester for sure.  I remembered to pray a few times for different people–some names and faces I know but some for strangers–asking the Universe to please show them favor, open the doors so I may come through, and open their minds and hearts.  It’s all I know to do.

And then I read something about people living their dream and not giving up.  From real people I had met recently who had achieved success despite odds.  And I think, “if they can do it, I can do it.”  I have plenty of examples.  But what is my dream?  What is my purpose?  Well, that’s easy:  to write.  But thus far, blogging doesn’t pay the bills.  And oh god, don’t get me started on that “make money blogging” stuff.  No, this is a personal blog from a real (crazy) woman.  I’m not going to pollute it with links and ads.  Bleh!  No.  Call it stubbornness or a misuse of my talent, but this is my place to vent.  Sometimes I post a link on Facebook, but it’s pretty rare.  If you want the address, it’s in my info.  If you want to know my thoughts, here they are.  I don’t want to use my talents for marketing someone else.  It’s the whoring out of writers in my opinion.  Would I do it on someone else’s blog that’s in need of a good writer?  Absolutely!  If I could make money sitting here writing–no matter what it is–I’d do it.  But as for apryl.me?  It will stay real.

OH, and I tried to downgrade my tv.  Those bastards won’t let you do it on their site.  You have to call!  Too bad I attempted this late in the evening because they are closed.  But tomorrow, unemployment gets the upperhand in the battle against AT&T and a bill I cannot afford.  Sadly, I actually tried to watch tv a couple of times.  But I cannot stress enough how the anxiety angel sits on my shoulder and says, “Is that what you really need to be doing right now?”  No, I guess the angel is right.  And if I am feeling super ballsy tomorrow, I will call and cut my package back down to 4 channels a month at $19.95 and kiss tv goodbye for good.  Praise the lord my DVR is full. (it’s mostly Storage Wars and since I’m out of the game that’s 36 episodes of pointless)

Sigh.  Tomorrow is another day.  I’m keeping a couple of notes in my planner.  Email this person, call this one, go see this one.  The printer is out of ink and won’t print the resumes so, Office Depot ($$$…fawk!) it is–unless someone lets me pump a few out at their place.  (I have my own paper)

So, I guess just like I told Sadie a few minutes ago, tomorrow we march on.  We keep on keeping on.  We have to have faith.  Take a few small steps each day until something pops up.  I got some leads, I know a few people.  Networking begins now that the resume is built.  (But I want it to pop and inform!)  We continue this venture tomorrow.  And maybe get the floors and dishes done if we’re lucky.