I know I’m weird enough without telling more of what goes on inside my head, but I get stuck on certain words.  They just randomly float to the front of my mind (or back sometimes) and I ponder them at length.  The word “confidence” has been the word of the day.  I can’t tell you what sparked it or why but I just can’t let it go.  I think confidence is one of the sexiest things ever.  Denise Baumann, makeup and fashion goddess, discussed confidence being so sexy when I interviewed her for the Coast Observer.  [My apologies for not having that article handy to give her exact words]  I remember after she said whatever exact words it was that it lingered with me a while then as well.  Maybe seeing her last Thursday with all her fierceness just evoked that thought again.  Everything about her–from her dress with the cute little bow in front to her bold hair–just oozes confidence; she spills it with every word and she is just one of the coolest damn people to talk to.  [Do I have a girl crush? 😉 Maybe the blog traffic will pick up.]   I think because she’s one of the few people I’ve always seen walk to the talk is why I admire her so much.  She’s super talented but she doesn’t gloat.  She promotes herself, of course, but in a way so few other people do.  It’s the “let me show you what I can do” type thing and not “I’m the best there’s ever been” kinda attitude.  She loves a challenge.

So while I’ve been drifting off into my brain matter, I’ve been asking myself, “What IS confidence?  How is confidence different than other attributes?”  It kinda stumped me a couple days then I realized confidence is a quiet thing.  It isn’t a lions roar or the siren’s call.  No; you may give attention to that sort of thing, but confidence is more like an invisible vapor.  You pick up on the scent–and you’re drawn to it.  You may think you are paying attention because of a visual aid but what keeps you hanging on to every word a confident person exudes is because of the subtle way confidence fills the air around you.   Several other people came to mind–Cheli Strumlia is a good example.  It isn’t that these women are silent or aren’t striking–because they are!–but for me the awe in them both is that they simply put themselves out there without airs or apologies for their accomplishments.  Let’s just say you have no idea who Cheli is (shame on you!) but when you meet her she lights up a building!  You don’t have to know what she’s accomplished or how big her heart is and how much she’d give to those she cares for, but something about her just draws people in.  (That girl crush thing might actually boost the number of readers eh?)

Word nerd that I am, I like to also know the definition and derivation and origin.  Turns out confidence comes from my native tongue Latin confidere meaning “have full trust.”  Bam!  That’s it.  Confidence is that silent thing emitting from people that they know whatever comes at them, they can take it.  It’s a trust in their own ability to handle the future.  It isn’t what they’ve done, but where they are going.  It’s the people that know when to slow down and catch their breath so they can sprint hard when the time comes.  They’ve had to do it many, many times before.  They soak up the sun when it’s shining and bear the storms in sexy rain boots.  They trust in themselves fully.  Maybe not every hour of every day, but when they need it it’s there.

All of that thinking led me to the real question, “do I have confidence?”  Yes.  A resounding yes.  At first it was a barely audible whisper deep in my soul, but after I thought it out it got louder and louder.  Not that there aren’t days and times when I think my soul couldn’t be beat any harder, because they exist.  But it’s stupid things–like hearing my loud, obnoxious laugh wake up the dog earlier–and taking that moment to realize how freaking good it feels to smile that reminded me, I got this.  Confidence isn’t knowing what the road ahead is going to be, it’s simply not being afraid to keep walking.  It’s that trust and inner compass guiding you.  Stop and smell the roses (although I’m more of a tree climber but to each his own) when you need to, but whatever you do, KEEP GOING.  Trust enough in yourself and the universe to provide to you; that whatever is on your heart is exactly what you need to reach your dreams.  I don’t mean to imply I’m a role model for this confidence thing, just merely that I observed it and I see a hint of it in me.  And obviously I get the pleasure of having some stellar people in my life to inspire me.  I don’t think leaps of faith always have gentle landings, but the lessons make the leap totally worth it.  You have to trust your lessons in order to make a bigger leap or else you will not get very far and you’ll never see the beauty of your own uniqueness.  And authenticity?  Well, now that is sexy.