I don’t know how healthy it is but lately I’ve been looking at life as to what’s gonna happen when Chloe is gone.  I don’t know if it’s healthy for me or not, but facts are this dog is 13 this year and she’s got a lot of health problems.  She’s my baby and really, she’s all I got.  It’s frightening to think of suddenly being alone without her.  Dog has been through hell and back with me.  At the same time, it’s somewhat liberating.

Liberating eh?  Well, yes.  She is what ties me to this house.  Ok, that, and the housing market.  It’s not my happy spot.  In fact, this place feels like a tomb more often than not.  But I promised her that she could have her own yard til the day she died.  She could roam a bit farther back then.  Now, she takes a few steps off the patio and comes right back inside 99% of the time.  Would she really notice or care if the yard wasn’t there?  Doubtful.  And, I hate leaving the house for more than 2-3 hours without her being checked on.  I pay a wonderful service that lets her out once a day for me while I work.  But I can’t go on weekend trips to Destin, New Orleans, Austin, or any other of my desired destinations and feel comfortable doing so.  If it hadn’t been for my Mom coming to care for her, I would have been very stressed about Italy.

So when Chloe is gone–and I recover from the mental breakdown–I think a lot will change.  I’m moving.  I’m not unopposed to leaving the Coast.  I have nothing bad to say about it, I just think I need to explore more of the world while I can.  I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, but it is decided that whether it’s to a condo or a mansion here or somewhere else (I might play spin the globe and decide that way!)–I’m outta dis house.

The way I see it–and someone tell me if I’m wrong here–I have absolutely nothing tying me down.  I have no kids, no family here.  I am smart enough to make it anywhere.  I have several skills that can get me a job or (my dream) launch my own career.  I’m shaving down the absolute insane amount of stuff I’ve managed to hoard (all bought thinking I’d be happy if I had it.  Wrong).  I’ll be free as a damn bird.  It’s both sad and thrilling. I have gone 35 years and my only roots are this four-legged creature.  That’s it.  I don’t really know what will come and I don’t know how to process that information, it’s just been on my mind.