Spring has sprung.  I know this because my car is covered in pollen.  Bees are all over my back patio.  While I hate the assholes, I’m not killing them because apparently we need them and yada yada yada.  The pretty flowering bush outside my bedroom window is showing signs of buds.  Pretty pink ones.  The crawfish festival is approaching.  Winter is over.  Another season of this life has come and gone.

People are like seasons.  They change.  They come and go.  As soon as I embrace that and learn it and accept it as truth, I know I’ll feel better.  And people, like seasons, have their dramatic events.  Unfortunately, there’s no weather channel for people.  They never cease to amaze–both in beauty and in destruction.  The older I get, the less drama I want (not that I’ve ever been a fan of it).  I get caught up in my own brain too damn much though.

Today, a Monday with its usual chaos was also the last day of the month.  For a sales-driven establishment, this meant double the chaos.  I was in the midst of the chaos and it felt like my brain was, for lack of a better analogy, being floored.  Adrenaline, snap decisions, multiple people clamoring to get into my office or on my cell, and emails pouring in.  I suddenly realized the cause of the stress and my anxiety wasn’t so much that I couldn’t handle that situation, but rather that I don’t turn it off well.  I can’t stop it all from coming at me.  It’s what I get paid to manage.

But what has it cost ME?  And when I leave the office, how much of my brain do I let free of that frenzy?  Quite frankly, since vacation, zero.  It’s like a car that’s never not driven hard.  But I’m no sports car, I don’t come with a warranty.  And how much damage I’ve done to myself and others remains to be seen.  I’ve let the anxiety, stress, and need for snap decision-making override my ability to remain calm and let life just be.  I have carried over that demanding attitude and lack of patience into places it was not welcome.  What the next season holds, I don’t even bother to assume or guess.  That would only fuel the fire.  So, what does a person who needs action and wants plans do when it’s in her detriment to have such?

I don’t know.  I have zero clues.  I’ll figure it out though.  I’ve managed to stumble this far and no doubt the answer I need will come when I need it. Maybe, just maybe, I need to observe the seasons–both weather and people-related–and nothing else.  (insert Vince Vaughn’s laugh from Be Cool)