It’s 6am and I already wanna throat punch somebody. People drive me to the brink of insanity. I haven’t even gotten around to reading my emails. Thanks to iPhone preview, I can tell you, that’s gonna need to be something I do in a couple hours after a pill kicks in and I can start dealing with other peoples problems more rationally than just punching them.

Now understand, this throat punch would not be to an elderly human or an animal. If a child came across my path, well that would be quite odd. I may extend my arm out of sheer defense before I realized it was just a tiny human. I don’t see a lot of kids folks. And as far as teenagers go, well most of them are my size (or here in MS, most are bigger) and hey, I think they count as legitimate hits. Plus, they are full of angst and hormones so it may be a connection is made. Like, “hey kid, sometimes we all just wanna throat punch somebody and when you get through 35 years of nothing but bullshit you can exercise your right to throat punch.”

You know, I could be a positive influence on a teen with a random throat punch. Like motivation to keep on keeping on until their own mid-life crisis hits. What if that kid was ready to give up on life and then in this spiritual moment of awakening we share, he/she realizes there is more to life than [insert whatever is troubling today’s teens-Instagram?]. Also, could be the deciding factor for that young adult that we need more therapists in the world. Or this kid could decide we need more doctors who can distribute pharmaceuticals. Or, maybe an entrepreneur could be born at that instant! That kid could open Mississippi’s first all night coffee shop to serve women going through a mid-life crisis driven awake and eventually insane by their own thoughts. Whereas if I had a classy…..snickered there at “Mississippi” and “classy” didn’t you? Ok, a cleaner and less scary alternative to Waffle House to go sit and think then maybe the innocent suffering of throat punching he/she experienced would never have to happen again.

Meh. Maybe I’ll skip the throat punch, realize I am NOT getting more sleep despite a burning desire to do so, make coffee (it’s looking like a 3 cup day), shave my legs (ha! I’m just saying that), wash my hair (I’ll really do that), and go get paid. But secretly, while I talk to everyone today, I’ll be ticking off the insane number of reasons they SHOULD be throat punched knowing I cannot do so. Ohhhhhhh! Now we have a mental game to play on Thursday. It just got interesting.