A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away), I made a vow to myself. That vow encompassed never letting myself feel this way, this much for anyone ever again. And yet, here I am, lying down to sleep with a trillion thoughts swirling about. As to what is felt, I’m too scared to go there. I don’t like breaking vows. The few I have made are simple, and thus far reliant. If I dig too deep, I may uncover what I fear the most: I have already broken that vow never to feel so much I can hurt.

And I know that’s silly. I’m not a robot (sadly), I’m a human. Not just a lousy human, a WOMAN at that. A nurturing, sacrificing, giving, loving woman. Who feels. And after 35 years, it unsettles me. But ya know what? Despite my uneasiness with all the things that are part of me, denying them would be a lack of acceptance for me. In all my forms. So, what do you do? (Clearly you lay awake at night and ponder stuff that makes no sense)

At some point I reckon I better make peace or sever whatever is below the surface. But that requires careful examination. And so, the journey continues. Elusive and confusing as it may be, it’s mine. Dear self, forge on and forget not that good things are ahead.