I am laying in bed, hoping to get very tired and fall to sleep with a quickness. My brain needs to shut down. There are a myriad of thoughts polluting me. And tenfold the emotions. This is new territory. I don’t like it.

I’ve never had so much to say to someone and kept it inside (positive things…plenty of unexpressed negativity. This is different). I’ve never felt the urges to leave this place I call home for just one more random hug in a parking lot of a coop (or wherever) and to plant a kiss on his cheek. I have never ached nor missed nor cried like this. I laughed at the tv–& knew he would have to had he been here–and suddenly the pain inside my chest was unbearable. I’ve never seen me like this. I have no idea what to make of it.

Inside the powerful and whimsical brainiac lies….a romantic. Not the kind to recite poetry or make superfluous promises. A different kind. The kind willing to wait it out and see. The worst kind. The kind that just flies on hope and faith. Things not seen, words not spoken. It scares the fuck out of me yo! The unselfish kind who doesn’t want to push more than she wants to know. That’s remarkable in this lifetime for this gal. Someone at a loss for words. Who knew.

Enough said.