As of late, the ability to blog, journal, or even craft a theme for a work of fiction (my soul’s purpose on this planet) has completely escaped me.  It has been a tad worrisome.  I mean, if your purpose is missing, what’s left?  But, I had other things to occupy my mind and keep me busy so I decided just not to worry about it.  As with all things, when it’s meant to happen, it will. 

For TBT my dear Mom posted some early publications of the rambling teenage hippie brain which once occupied the space above my neck.  Was the newspaper back home desperate or what?   It was odd to see those because my only inspiration to write all week had been simmering in the back of my brain:  a letter from the old me (like an 80 year Apryl) to the me now.  What would she say?  What matters irking me today are truly important in the grand scheme of things?  I had given it some thought, but not a decent amount to produce anything.  And then, TBT hits and all I thought was, “Oh if I only had the chance to go back in time and talk to that girl!”  See, time travel has become an amusement of mine too as of late.  I watched “About Time” last night which only heightened my curiosity.  I have a lot I could say to a younger me.  But the tampering of the past could have a cause and effect that would be detrimental. 

If I went back in time and told young Apryl anything that could change her path, would she end up here?  Because, between those two articles posted for TBT, she met someone who was only a flash in her life overall (but a big deal at the time).  That person resurfaced and has now become a part of the adventure of life.  So….if I went back and helped teenage Apryl, would 35-year-old-Apryl end up so happy as I am at this moment? I’d have to spend time I really don’t have figuring that out.  And since my Delorian is in the shop, I’m screwed anyway!

Another prevalent thought,  brought up again by TBT articles and the lack of writing on my part lately, is the power of written word.  Today, I woke up with something profound (for me) changed inside.  As someone who has identified as a writer for the bulk of my lifetime, I tend to be a visual learner and I also have a core belief that the written word is particularly more weighty than anything else.  I’m hereby dispelling that belief today in this blog.  You go without the voice of someone for a while and suddenly to hear that voice is like hearing one of an angel.  It’s true for my niece, my nephew, my brother, friends who stop talking to you…anyone.  Those people can send you emails or texts but without their voice, it’s just not the same.  Me, the hermit-like girl who has always been fond of words and elected them over a voice, suddenly is floating on cloud 9 when I get to hear a voice. 

If you’d told me a year ago that I would come to value hearing someone over getting messages from them, I’d have looked at you like you had horns blossoming. In obvious places.  Like a unicorn.  I guess I just always saw writing as a craft and as a bit of therapy too.  I’m glad I haven’t beat myself up too much for not writing.  It turns out, I was just changing my beliefs.  No amount of messaging can replace the inflection and tone of another human’s voice.  And I see upon looking back, I’ve been awakening to that conclusion.  For example, when people’s drama hits Facebook or someone wants to start fighting via a text, I am always like “why are you putting that in writing?”  [Hint: for those of us who want to know, once you put it in electronic form no amount of deletion will really ever undo it and we will find a way to see it.  I’m not a hacker; I spied once some time ago and got the answers I already knew in my heart.  I spent a lot of money, worry, and time figuring out that the guy was a cheater and I was unhappy.  All that info said to me once I had proof was, “DUH.”  I knew it before I hacked into everything.  And I’ve been hacked and watched.  Yes, there’s really a way to see everything you do electronically.  Oddly enough, if the people hacking me had come to me and said, “Is this this & this true?” or, “how do you feel about this?” I would have been 110% honest.  They too wasted time and money getting the answers they already had. My point: if you’re living authentically and truthful to who you are, you have no reason to seek something else.  And, if you question someone else’s authenticity and honesty, you have to first decide if it’s your own insecurity or if you are in denial about them.  You don’t need a password to get that answer.]