I have reduced my cigarette smoking to about half a pack (yesterday it was 11). Now, I realize that’s not zero and many people have gone cold turkey (especially around New Years) and are doing much better. I just knew that if I was gonna do it, the reduction method was the only hope. Here’s two lies I told myself about smoking:
1. I smoke because I want to not because I have to. Liar. I had to because I used it as a means to escape stress. Before my divorce I had started/stopped many times. But after, it slowly became an addiction. I am addicted to getting away from my desk before I go insane, waking up slow and easy most days, and basically just needing a moment to myself to sit and think. Because without cigarettes, it’s unlikely I would have accomplished that. However, I’m finding I CAN do some of that with an ecig or without anything. My hands still want something to do. And my cravings for food are fierce.
2. Second lie–I could stop at any time. Honestly, I thought I’d be a Mom by now and when I got pregnant I’d stop. Well, Mr. Right is elusive and there ain’t no baby in sight. The clock is winding down on that. And people stop telling me how many women you know over 40 had healthy babies! Usually this was an addition to their herd for one, and not the start up venture. Additionally, I just don’t wanna be the person whose 60+ at my kids high school graduation. I mean, until the last couple years I had no plans to really live beyond that. I kinda figured I’d be out of here by 65 tops. Luckily I’ve figured out how freaking awesome it’s gonna be to be the old lady who can finally be quirky and have all the fun in the world without giving a shit what anyone thinks. And after retirement I can spend time doing whatever I want! So bring it. Anyway, point is, spinster life minus cigarettes is starting to finally appeal (& sink in that could be one way life turns out that I never expected).

Quitting is just like losing weight in that I have had to reframe everything in my mind, my perception of myself, and change how I cope with factors in life. It’s not so easy but I’m halfway to my goal. Also, I’m vain and want my skin and teeth to look better. Smoking is the #1 thing I can stop to make that happen, but we all know the various incentives to not smoking. I didn’t realize how hard it would be. Congrats to the people who have reached and maintained the non-smoker status!