I decided within the last 24 hours that my favorite word is (drumroll)…”together.” And the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it isn’t everyone’s favorite word. Ok, “plethora” and “cornucopia” get honorable mentions. But seriously, don’t humans have a basic need of bonding and togetherness?

It’s funny that I was with my friend Dawn when I found my favorite word. And it was also Dawn who–most unusually, in a polite manner–helped me realize the root of my bad mood isn’t because the coffee was gone or because the kitchen faucet is loose. It isn’t because the Cowboys lost to the Bears. It’s because I want to be with the one I like and we can’t be together. (I’ll leave it vague and say “global issues” keeping us apart). She was super kind in her agreement that there a couple of facts: 1. I am single, employed, no children and have some expendable income 1b. This means I do what I want, when I want. 2. I’m in management so I’m kinda used to getting my way (although I have a team beside who usually stops my runaway train from derailing when I am wrong). So if I want to take a trip to NYC or the Grand Canyon, I just do. If I want a new sweater, spray tan, book, or whatever knickknack attracts me temporarily, I go get it (read: click “add to cart” button on Amazon). And if I can’t have or do something, I replace it immediately and make a new ok.

And that leaves me, for the first time in a long time, wanting for someone whose physical presence is an impossibility. The universe, working on my behalf I trust, is teaching me patience. Something I lack. Oh, I’m pretty good sometimes. I’m fairly easy-going in situations. I’m along for the ride. Until I really want it. Then the goal-oriented, business gal who was taught by her administrators to seize the moment and grab life by the horns kicks in. I am at the stage where I must confess that “global issues” win and I am at the mercy of time. I have to wait. Not a short wait, but it could be a lot worse. (Furthermore, business ideals don’t necessarily work in the best interest where human beings are concerned and I’ve learned that too)

Now, just for shits and giggles, let’s add worry to that. Oh yes, my dearest friend Worry. Never far from my side and always there when I don’t need her. There can be nothing to worry about and I’ll let some minute detail creep in and wreck chaos in my brain. Y’all read about the calm after the storm (or at least once I’ve calmed enough to sit and detail it). Worry has a twin sister: Insecurity. They travel together. When Worry sleeps, Insecurity is awake and telling me all kinds of lies. And while I shouldn’t listen to either one, they exist and they speak directly to my brain all the time. While they are both full of nonsense, it’s hard to see that when they echo inside your frontal lobe.

Now, for the final ingredient, Holidays! Yay Christmastime! Now this is not my first Christmas alone. And it surely won’t be my last (or could it?!) but it doesn’t make it any easier. I have to be at work and my family is 9 hours away. I could fly in–at an astronomical rate–on Christmas Eve and back out Christmas night but that’s not a holiday. That’s a “hello, love you, gotta go.” And instead of being there just long enough to get a hug and eat,
I’d rather stay comfy in my pjs and not throat punch another crazy at the airport. But when you miss your family, you miss your family. You want to be “together.” Many people miss loved ones. Many people don’t have the luxury of being able to pick up a phone and say Merry Christmas & I love you. So for that tiny bit of consolation, I’m grateful.

I guess the point is, if you are with someone you love (or just kinda like) for the holiday, don’t forget how lucky you truly are. If ya got a family you can go see and drive you insane, go grab that insanity by the horns. If you can be together, by all means, enjoy it. I’m determined (and I have some hope and faith behind that) together awaits me. In it’s perfect timing, the universe brings us together with the ones we need. And that’s why it’s my favorite word. Sometimes the togetherness of ordinary, imperfect, flawed human beings is the greatest gift ever.