I’m one of those people who believes everything is a lesson God must have us learn. It’s REAL hard to see the reasons during the middle of a heartbreak, crisis, death, or otherwise uncomfortable time. But upon looking back, I can name a thousand things I needed and gained after such incidents that I otherwise would not have today as part of who I am. I have learned to be grateful and even joyous about things that could have broken my spirit but did not.

My friend died when we were 17. It took until I was 30ish to be able to finally say I was glad it wasn’t me. That’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever learned but really it did take that long. Depression did not help that at all. Majority of the days in between I could tell you how much more good Kim would have done on earth than me. Now I realize we were all put on our individual paths for all different kinds of reasons.

Everybody who knows this white girl knows almost all things Oprah I embrace. The show with Iyanla Vanzant on OWN is my favorite. Right now I’m pausing to cry as I hear Iyanla speak of burying her daughter. I suddenly thought what if I have not been given children because I would have had a tragedy occur? What if in its divine knowledge the universe has spared me some horrible events and where I see a lack of love and family, instead I am garnering the strength I may need to be a great partner and mother and example for my kids? What if I never have them because I do not have the lessons under my belt to deal with something? It’s quite possible and I’m quite ok with that.