I was a sleepyhead last night. I was in bed by 9…& here it is 4am and I’m awake. Wasn’t feeling 100% yesterday and my roommate has an upper respiratory infection. Don’t have time to be sick. Too much living and working to do. I love those Emgeren-C vitamin packs so I’ll continue to take those I guess. My, I wake up very rambly at 4…

I have already had an AHA moment today, which is impressive. I get a couple of daily inspirational emails so when I realized it’s a bit early to wake people up with my crafting, I opened my emails to read those. There was one today that struck me. See, my anxiety has been higher than normal (& my normal is pretty high anyway) and I thought it was because of “the endings” I wanted to see in my head. What I realized today is not that I am attaching to an ending as much as thinking how happy I’ll be when situations are wrapped up tidily and I can have certainty. Which is ridiculous. But that’s how anxiety tends to work–while you may have rational problems anxiety and stress compound them by making your body and mind dysfunction.

Basically attaching an ending of any kind to your happiness is failure. At least for me. Because ultimately the universe and people in it are going to do whatever they damn well please. You get to choose how much they affect your spirit and joy. I have been so caught up in my own emotions that I forget how inconsequential all of them truly are. Funny how everyone is doing their thankful monthly post and I was sort of rolling my eyes. Normally I participate every year. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!!! One year I planned my list in advance and tagged a friend each day. Why was I rolling my eyes this year? Because I have lacked the spirit of gratitude and each post was a reminder of such lack. It had zero to do with the practice of others. Maybe today I will play catch up. Mine won’t be the same as years prior. And while my body is still tense and tired I think my mind is finally on the anxiety mend. I’ll include the quote today in case anyone needs reminding.