Over the last three months or so, I have become an expert in gratitude. Yeah, I loosely use the word expert. However, my evolving practice has made a serious impact in my life. It starts small, but once it becomes a habit you practice throughout your day, you cannot help but feel joy. I wonder how many people out there would feel better by incorporating a gratitude ritual?

It doesn’t happen all at once. It’s taken me time. Much to my surprise, I’ve developed a lot of patience. We get so wrapped up in our world of instant gratification that it can be dangerous. Take my habit of googling. If I come across a word I don’t know, I can’t help but google it. I used to google anything I heard of that I didn’t know. Mid-conversation, in-person! I’d stop paying attention to someone and begin googling. Mostly I’ve tried to stop that and just look at the person and ask, “What does _____ mean?” That frames things differently. For one thing, you really are being present with the person speaking and instead of looking like a know-it-all, I expose my ignorance. It’s a vulnerable position indeed. Well worth the payoff. We want knowledge, answers, and issues to be black or white instantly. Big lesson: technology can advance to as far as our imagination will allow, and you will still need to let life run its course.

My joy has increased in small doses, with lots of practice. It started with taking in moments and trusting there is a process to this thing called life. I have to chill out and let it unfold. “Time takes time” was some good advice I received this year. It took time for me to understand that. Expectations and foreboding had to be forgotten. I had to REALLY open myself to understanding situations will not be predictable and my control over them is not left to me. Once I was not so busy trying to remain in control of Earth, my mind was clearer.

I started appreciating people. When they opened up to me, when they asked for help, and other various positions that requires people to put their armor down and ask for what they need. It was a trait I began to examine and test out for myself. Uncomfortable at first and still not something I’m great at doing, but I show signs of improvement. I try to say thank you more to people. I want them to see their value. I decided I couldn’t post a bunch of inspirational pics on Facebook and then be disgruntled towards my co-workers. I had to lead by example. I’ve tried very hard to move in that direction. Once I crossed these thresholds, there was a lot more room for a grateful heart to grow.

It may be hard some days. I may not always appear grateful. Sometimes, when I’m pretty depressed, I have to start small. Like REALLY small. EX: I get toe cramps for some reason. I’ve literally had moments where I’m laying in bed crying for some silly thing that means a lot to me and had to start my gratitude with, “at least my toe isn’t cramping.” Then I might have to look around and say, “I’m grateful Chloe isn’t in pain.” My list grows. I’m grateful for my books to read, I’m grateful I have hands to write, I’m grateful my neighbors look out for me, I’m grateful for the posters on the wall, I’m grateful for my vacation, I’m grateful for my ottoman so my feet are comfortable, I’m grateful I had money to pay the bills even if it means eating bologna until next payday. Somewhere out there in this world is someone who doesn’t have any of that and their most earnest prayer is that they get what I have. Once you start doing that everyday, you then recognize moments and give gratitude in them. I saw a glorious starry sky in May—the most captivating night sky I can remember. And in that very moment, I knew to be thankful.

As readers know, I’ve struggled with faith and self-image. Today, I can say my faith is at an all time high and for once, I love myself totally. For that, I am grateful.