I think some bloggers plan out what to say and really craft it.  Not this one. And, this is a BLAHG anyway.  I have about as much idea as what will spew forth as you do.  Ok, I have a clue but still, you just never know.

The only reason I write tonight is because it’s been a while, both on the blahg & off.  I can’t have that.  Feelings, ideas, and lingering odors of the soul start building up.  Sorry for the people who didn’t want to waste the next 3.5 minutes but I have to purge.  Here’s what’s first on my mind: relationships.  Oh, that’s a shocker, I know.  But what is shocking is that I’ve made it a goal that every time I start going down that path of what I do (or rather, DON’T) have, I am going to shift my focus to writing.  Whether it be scribbling down a line or two, working on a story, or even just journaling whenever I want to focus on a dude, writing it shall be.  So be wary of the blahg until I get the hang of it.  I’m not sure if it’s going to be sad or happy, loving or hateful for the next little bit.

And, on a side topic, I’ve gained 6 pounds (which is a loss of 2 lbs since I noticed the size 4s were not going over my ass no matter how much I tugged).  Now, 6 lbs is not a huge deal, I know & people keep telling me to stop losing weight as if I’m trying!  But that’s not the issue.  The issue is that I’m an emotional eater.  It is extremely effective as a distraction to feelings but the side effect is weight.  Plus, when I’m emotional and avoiding it I’ll eat all kinds of bad, energy-draining foods.  Since it took me over 10 years to figure it out, it’s a big deal when I see it.  Now, when a craving comes on, I have to stop and ask, “what am I feeling?”  The answer is typically stress or sadness.  I’m prescribed xanax but I quit taking it during the day, especially at work.  That’s a whole other blahg.  Perhaps many.  Needless to say, FTS—It’s effective as hell but I don’t want another addiction.  So here I am, off the meds and eating.  Goal? [I mean, WTF would I do that?!] Combat stress and sadness without aid.  Old fashioned deep breathing, taking a break, and allowing myself to feel. 

With that comes some acceptance and self-forgiveness.  It can take anywhere from ten seconds to ten days to come to terms with stuff.  My job?  I would rather be writing.  But it drains me mentally and leaves little afterward.  But like I said, I’m making it a habit to be more “writer conscious” in lieu of sadness, specifically over a scarcity in my life known only as “love.”  And really, I have to kind of smile about that.  Only recently have I been pretty serious about it being time to settle down and start a family.  And I’m such a hard-headed control freak I seem to want to do something about it.  And I have.  I haven’t been taking dating so lightly.  Which means, knowing me, I’m taking it too seriously.  And putting FAR too much focus into it.  And therefore, failing to count the many blessings that are all around me.  Today I watched the sunset and it was absolutely brilliant.  Are Texas sunsets this gorgeous?  I don’t remember them being as charming.  But then again, the sound of the sea and your feet in the sand makes any moment more memorable and sweet. 

Anyway, that’s the end I guess.  For now.