I am a mover and shaker in both work and my personal life. Perhaps it was the success in career that made me think I could get a good handle on life and tame it to barrel race on the course I set. I realize I’m an anxiety filled individual. I’m also driven to make things happen based out of, at least partially, that anxiety. It’s not always a bad thing. I keep myself mentally strong and I have a Plan B for most everything. But sometimes I can go into overdrive. And some items on my life check off list cannot have a Plan B no matter how much I feel the need to see the future. Relationships, kids, and pretty much any human connection deserves the present moment; a Plan B is almost a disgrace to what’s going on right now. Sadly, instead of Plan B’ing finances and such–things that can be Plan B’d–I become careless and spend way too much on retail therapy. Usually because I have no control over Plan A. It’s a silly little game to play.

However, I will say a lot of the shopping I have done on clothes the last 6 months has been out of need. Because of a gain to a 14, and subsequent loss to a size I was when I was 19, I don’t have clothes that fit!!! So, I do grant pardon in that area. Besides, if I have the credit limit and I can slide into a size 4, damnit I’m going to go buck wild this time. Last time I was a 4 I thought I was fat. As me & my cousin Amy say, “FTS.” I’m enjoying the 2013 weight loss extravaganza as a pure fashion festival. To look in a mirror and smile and love myself is one of the most healing events of my life. I tried and I succeeded. And you know what? That’s an area where there is no Plan B. My health and my body are something I get one shot at. I did that right this year.

So maybe starting this blog by feeling I lack any understanding of so-called Plan A & B is not quite accurate. If I thought harder about it, I might could find more examples. Still, I need to slow down, stop worrying so damn much!!!, and trust God’s process. My phone is blowing up from people who want to shop and eat steaks so FTS about worrying and I’m going to go have some fun!