I had an AHA moment, as Oprah says. To use a school analogy, we always tend to think of judgment day as being our final exam at the end of a semester of life. It occurs to me that’s incorrect. Judgment is our midterm. That’s right, not the summary of what you know but rather the point when you’ve accumulated enough knowledge to be tested. Whether you pass or fail a midterm can definitely impact your final grade.

For me, that means literally to stop judging others. The stuff inside is so overwhelming that I find myself projecting it back into others undeserving of such criticism. And guess what? I don’t deserve that criticism from me either. The added pressure is frivolous and stifles much of the good. If I was kinder to myself and slowed down then I could see that just being me is enough. It’s an abundance, not merely “enough.”

I give myself a hard time all day every day. What I eat, how my hair looks, it’s thickness, how my stomach looks in jeans, the way I approach a problem at work, the words I used with someone, the way I chew, the fact my car is dirty, and it goes on and on and on. I judge me sooo harshly it’s almost amazing I get anything done. And it all adds up to an overwhelming sense that I am not good enough. Much less for anyone else but worst of all, for me. And if you aren’t happy with yourself you will never allow you to be good enough for another.

Amazingly we look to others to fill a void that they can never fill. That’s why it’s bad to think someone else can complete you–because it’s impossible; not just because it’s simply false. All those times your friends say “you can do better than him” or “you don’t need a man” isn’t a statement about your relationships it’s a statement about your dependency and giving away your power. The difference between need and want here is also important. When you need someone you are losing autonomy. A much bigger compliment to both you and another is simply to want them. Babies need their mothers, as adults we want our moms.

So I am gonna stop the reel of self bashing playing in my head and just love myself for who I am, the things I create, & the life I already have. It’s so much more than enough. And I am letting everyone else off the hook. No more judging based on my insufficiency. No more measuring so that I can feel like I can be equal. Being here with one another is the peer group, for better or worse LOL. Hopefully the last half of the semester is a breeze and filled with a lot of fun 🙂