Somewhere I have a list of qualities I want in a mate.  I made it after reading an article in Oprah magazine which encouraged said list-making activity. The point was to focus on the things you won’t compromise on and (I guess) to somehow figure something out about yourself.  It’s an okay exercise I suppose, but I am the kind of person who leaves room for negotiation in almost all areas.  Some people may be a bit too stringent with it and become settled with a way prospects MUST be and well let’s be honest, that will lead to some serious disappointment.  It struck me how odd it was that I would make a list of qualities for someone else to uphold—something I have no control over—yet not a list of things I aspire to be to said individual—something I DO have control over.  Buckle up, kids, here’s the impossible list of characteristics I want to bring to my relationship.  Expectations of someone else are futile if you don’t declare to bring the same level of excellence, right?  Anyway, I decided to start over with me being who I want to be before I go holding someone else up to a list I made in a moment of fantasy.

Lack Hypocrisy.  Look, if your hair in the bathtub and on the floor drives me nuts then my own hair laying about should be just as sinful in my mind.  Yet, it isn’t.  I hate hair off the head.  Mine included.  But I’ll overlook my own hair laying on the floor until someone else’s one single strand falls on a heap of my own and oh holy shit I come unglued!  Ludicrous and pretty hypocritical behavior I admit. I vow to try to resolve that somehow.  Is that a double standard?? I have several items that I can add to this category.  Moving on…

Be a Good Listener.  I’ll never be a great listener.  I have too many thoughts running through my own little brain to even keep up with them.  When others speak I immediately begin to react, feel, think, or just get images lit up inside my head.  However, I have been proactively seeking to improve my listening skills over the last year.  I have really stepped it up.  But it’s hard and I am certain it will require constant attention.  However, I vow to develop my mediocre skill set up to at least “good.”  I really want to hear you and your thoughts, feelings, and images if I want to spend time with you. 

Not Overanalyze You.  Whew, this just gets more and more difficult as I type.  I am an avid fan of details.  I can consume a person and their every little movement, accent, gait, and even cough.  Usually this means I eventually find something I dislike or that irks me.  Well, yesterday I was driving and checking my teeth for food when I realized my teeth aren’t as white as I want them.  I mentally added that to my long list of irritable qualities I have concerning myself.  Then I had a revelation: what if someone analyzed me as much as I pick on myself.  They’d come up with quite a hefty list of annoyances.  What if they judged me by that?  I thought, “Well, that’d be a lame ass person!”  Oh wait…I’m not lame and I do that.  Hmmm.  That didn’t feel so great.  So I vowed yesterday to not overanalyze someone and their quirks or imperfections.  In fact, I will embrace them.  Yes, embrace.  As in love them as much as I would have hated them.  Not easy but way less shallow.  Besides, my real problem is that I hold myself to an impossible standard which is why I have to find something to dislike—so that we’ll be equal.  That’s a whole other blog but obviously unacceptable for me or for The Man.  As the song goes, “let it be.”  If I’m gonna love or hate you, it will be for something more significant than nose hairs or cracking your knuckles. 

Encourage Interests Beyond Me & Interaction with Other Women.   The first part of that is pretty easy for me.  I have interests that I don’t want to include my man in and especially not constantly.  This blog as an example.  It’s my space (ha).  I might share, repost, or provide links to whatever might concern as still undetermined beau.  However, the only time I want a guest writer is the announcement of my funeral.  Seriously, stay out of my blog.  I am open to a creation of an our blog—that might be entertaining.  Having put my foot down and gotten on my little soapbox, he is free to set similar guidelines.  As a very random example, pretend said beau is an artist.  Boo, we ain’t EVER gonna have an exhibition of our collective work.  Choosing a font color is the extent of my artistic ability.  Do. Ya. Own. Thang.  And let me do mine.  It makes for more interesting conversation when we’re together, gives an outlet for personal expression, and gives me a damn break from your ass.  Having said that, I’ll go support my man in his endeavors, no matter how successful or not.  If it makes you happy, it makes me happy.  I am big proponent of this theory.  Which is why I challenged myself and added the last half, the interaction with other women part.  Having a cheater in my personal history, made me a jealous woman.  I guess lack of trust and jealousy go hand-in-hand?  Either way, it’s an ugly quality I disdain.  I don’t mean go on some dates, I just mean if women are included in the endeavor of your choice then I encourage it.  If not, find something that gives you a woman to chat with.  This has its advantages.  Men with lots of females friends—just friends & no agenda otherwise—tend to be better boyfriends.  My theory: they bounce ideas and problems off the females and therefore come around with some better thinking than had they gone and played basketball with the guys or whatever.  It’s just a theory.  But it also keeps your manners up to par and in a time of trial or tribulation, I have someone I can talk to who also knows the guy who may help me understand his perception clearly. I am aware she will not be my buddy—she’s his—but when my pals need some female counsel I try to be there and hope my man has the same.  Besides, I’ve learned the difference between intuition and imagination.  If my gut says it’s gone beyond friendship, we done. 

I think I am exhausted for one day.  To be continued.