I have been wrestling conundrums all day. As I give up and try to sleep, the brain just won’t come to stop the match. So I’ll cave. I’ll explore the things that keep me awake.

The best way I know to explain it is its like on one side I want to be a peace-loving, sunshine filled, singing little ball of love and hope. But, there’s a part of me that sees little hope in any direction in my life. There are some transitions. There are a bunch of small transitions.

Guilt eats at me for not seeing my family more. Especially as parents age and Pyxie & Caius also do the same without Auntie A there. Then there’s The Chloe. I know our time is quietly closing. Really, in all honesty, that breaks my heart. I could blog about my dog for a decade. 12 years we have spent navigating this difficult world. Then work is just all out Stress Fest. I get older and I feel the stress more. Don’t get started that I am suddenly doubting my direction in my career. I’m not going into the topic of relationships. Suffice it that it entered this paragraph.

But….then there are the awesome things that I still have to acknowledge. I had a great time out last night even if I paid for it today. I know I am known as the artsy one among the other managers at work, and yes I am attracted to the souls of writers, artists, musicians, and actors. Attracted by their spirit. I’ve found freer thinking flows among the creative people. But my favorite thing is watching them do what they love. That fact that they just DO it. Musicians who have that look like they are enjoying every note awe me. It’s like a they lift you higher when they are entertaining but loving it.

Make a note “Black Gives Way to Blue” came on during that paragraph trying to pull me down again. So I have this friend that never, ever fails at making me smile. He is a musician and a giant, dreaded man! When he plays he’s one of those that when plays you can see the fun he is having. So I text him and sure enough a smile escaped. It reminded me I have to choose the hippie and not the emo star who wants to take center stage. I think it’s his dreads that have magic. But we all know this hippie love some dreads. I think there’s hope in dreads. To get incredibly out there, I find that the dread owner is not trying to cut anything. He takes the new stuff and forms it to be part of his overall creation.

If we all took life like it was just our dreads we’d be a lot better. Accept the changes and new things and love it and make it welcome. Transition the new stuff into the overall scheme. Life throws some curves but if you can take the hard with a soft heart and try to accept it, it should be better, right? Whatever it is, reality is that IT JUST IS. You can think or feel whatever but it is reality. Yeah, I like this analogy. Hippie 1, Emo Dark Side 0. Now maybe I can sleep.